Saturday January 21st 2012

It’s highly probable that blood has been spilled over the debate as to who makes the best pies in Wigan. Or pie gravy at least. This is why the question needs answering. There are people who swear by the Muffin Man. Plus it’s in my village so giving it a shit review will see me ostracised by my local community and earn me the nickname “that pie wanker”.

Keep it simple for now:

“Right darling – going getting my hair cut, then I’m getting some petrol. Fancy a pie for lunch?”

It needs to be a local one given we’re going out for the afternoon and I’m still operating incognito but there are some big hitters within the confines of WN6. I don’t want to crown a king in the first few pages but I envisage at least one or two Champions League places for Wigan pie shops when judgement day arrives.

The beauty of this land of ours is that you can be anywhere in the country by lunch time if you get up early enough but, just for today, my local pie shop will have to do.

When I was a kid growing up in the Springfield area of Wigan, there were at least four pie shops within a few hundred yards of my house. I’m left to lament D&J Wilcock, Lyons and the Gidlow Bakery, however the Muffin Man remains.

It’s a traditional bakers with several branches in Wigan. As the name implies they do lovely, fluffy muffins in packs of six. These are known in Wigan as barmcakes. Known elsewhere as cobs / rolls / baps / teacakes / breadcakes and the source of regional internet arguments everywhere.

There’s also pasties, chunky steak pies and breakfast items, and chicken and mushroom pies, the latter of which I often decline on the basis that I refuse point blank to eat anything that grows between your toes. This is a phobia I will have to conquer in the coming months.

For today, I manage to procure the last three meat and potato pies on the shelf.

“Put some more pies in, these have run out”

It’s barely eleven in the morning! Only in Wigan!

2.

Purveyor: The Muffin Man

Premises: Wigan

Purchase: Large meat and potato pie £1.35

Place: 8 Brisk and brusque, the Wigan pie woman in action is truly an art form to admire

Pastry: 9 Firm enough that the crust doesn’t crumble in any way yet softer than the dulcet tones of the Cadbury’s Caramel bunny. Heavenly.

Presentation: 6 Not very warm but this was acknowledged

Package: 8 Densely packed potato bound with mince in a mash. Heavier on the potato than meat but plenty in there

Palate: 8 The mince is pinkish but deliciously tender and it is a proper Lancastrian pie with sloppy potato filling oozing all over

Price: 8 Two options to serve different appetites works for me

Portion: 8 I mean who on earth orders a small pie when there’s a large one on the menu?

OVERALL: 55/70. I’m parked up at the side of the road whilst talking into my phone like an Apprentice candidate a paperboy walks past looking at me oddly as I narrate this review Partridge-style. As I said: Pies are serious business. An early contender.

The pastry is softer than the dulcet tones of the Cadbury’s Caramel bunny, like an angel crying on my tongue, the mince meat filling is slightly pinkish in colour and encased in a proper Lancastrian sloppy pie and pepper filling.

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